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Enrollment open

French

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Everything I wish I learned in French class

My last name is Dominique, which means technically back in 1836, I was French. I’ve now lived in Paris a gazillion years, and even taught French at a language school back in Brooklyn (after growing frustrated at how I was always taught when I was learning French).

● About

Inside these courses:

Good grammar, but also street cred

Learn to speak like you, with correct grammar plus street slang your teacher could never teach because they’d probably get fired.

Pop-culture references everyone will know

All the cult movies, lyrics, and cultural context so you’re not clueless in any French-speaking room.

2 months

Learn at your own pace and get sent 2 min weekly recaps.

Honest advice

One course won’t make you fluent. You’ll need more.

Notion

Click a button and do the entire course in your Notion.

Favorites

A short-cut to my favorite songs, movies, etc.

Real-life scenarios

Homework and quizzes to place you in realistic scenarios...where you tend to freeze up.

Enrollment

    • You spoke French once, but that was when you were 8 years old singing Voulez-Vous Coucher Avec Moi. 

    • You still say Ooh là là when you're impressed, but haven't learned that most French people say it when they're annoyed. You also weren’t aware that hors-d'œuvres was a French word (or spelled like that). 

Level 01

Enroll – $199

    • You can understand French when someone speaks at 0.01 mph, which is approximately...no one in France. 

    • If someone asks you to order at a restaurant, your voice still gets all soft and shy so that the server knows you've studied French enough to be respectful, but not long enough to come at you speaking like zjsuzjsüzjszhjzsé.

Level 02

Enroll – $199

  • Greetings: Never forget to say Bonjour

    ER Verbs: Your French is about to be sick

    Longer Sentences: Speak like a real human

    Negation: The French art of saying non

    Questions: The answer will still be non

    You: Letting people know the who, where, and what

    Gender: She's here to stay

    Pronunciation & Alphabet: Lots of letters, and none are pronounced

    Numbers 0-1000: 70 is where life gets fun

    Time, Days of the Week, & Months: It's all a construct anyway

    Possession: Taking what's yours

    Irregular Verbs that are annoying but you must master

    In, at, on & Geography: Cuz you can't be in if you can't figure it out

    This, That, and the other: it's like this and like that and like this and uh...

    IR Verbs: The IRritation begins

    RE Verbs: REdiculous and pREblematic

    Comparatives & Superlatives: Doing the Most 101

    Direct Objects: Getting directly to it

    Qui, Que, Ce qui, Ce que, suckers

  • Reflexives: flexin’ on em!

    Indirect Objects: To whomst? Am I just an object to you!

    Le Passé Composé: Breaking up the past

    L'Imparfait: Ironically more perfect than the other tenses

    Le Conditionnel: I would, could, and should, but prob won't

    Le Futur: When you use the future, cuz you're talking about the future

    Adverbs & Gerunds: the ings and lys

    Y, En, & Hein ?

    The Perfect Tenses: See what had happened was...

    Subjunctive: Subjecting yourself to it

● Course Curriculum

● FAQs

  • French 1 is about 14 hours-ish of instruction and French 2 is about 9. I recommend a pace of one or two chapters a week, which would get you through the course in 2 months.

  • I've argued with Parisian servers when they tell me "c'est pas possible" to substitute broccoli for french fries - when they're both on the menu. I've flirted with "straight" guys in raves in the Parisian suburbs near Charles de Gaulle airport. I've even bought all the dusty grammar books you've probably considered buying and spent all the hours searching for one, just one that was down-to-earth, witty, and funny, and that called French out where it was doin' the most.

    Like - how can I get my point across on the phone with the building repairman, ask the French postal service where the hell my package is, and communicate with the uninterested metro staff about my ticket that doesn't work - but still sound like me? That's the course I wanted - and here it is.

  • Many!

  • I'm not a native French speaker. I'm like you (and that's the point). My French was non-existent for the first 19 years of my life and I had all the same "dumb" questions and confusing "seriously-French-what-the-fuck" moments you'll experience.

    You'll be like, why do we have to decide between Tu and Vous - why can't we just use one word for you? And I'll explain how that's great and all but English used to be set up this way too with ye & thou. A French native might not get why you keep messing up on J'attends pour le bus (I'm waiting *for the bus), when it's J'attends le bus (I'm waiting the bus) - but I understand bc I know you're translating directly from English. I know the questions you'll have before you'll probably even have them.

    We can't escape our native language - so let's use it to our advantage.

  • I draw connections to concepts that are similar in Spanish and Portuguese - so that you know where to speed up and slow down – but there are parts where French is doing its own thing in its own lane (numbers 70-100, the order of direct objects, etc.), and then there are other parts that you could probably do 2x speed (days of the week, savoir vs connaître, etc.).

  • I designed this course to go slow enough in parts that I was confused by, but not too slow that you end up watching the entire series on 2x speed. We spend more time on concepts that don't exist in English - like why you still use qui for inanimate objects, why better and best work differently in French, and how saying something is “his” or “hers” doesn't really exist in French.

  • The videos do not expire. You can do that.

  • We can get you a refund up to 14 days after purchase